I was having a conversation the other day and it eventually led to the subject of crying. The question was posed, “Why do we hold in tears and the effort of crying? Sometimes you just need a good cry.” It got me thinking. Why DO we not cry?
Sometimes it might be due to not wanting to show weakness/fear/whatever in front of someone. Sometimes it’s an embarrassment factor that stops you from letting the tears flow. And then sometimes it’s the fear that if you start crying, you may never stop.
I know that I have felt all three of these at different points in my life. But, if I am honest with myself, I am probably leaning toward the third reason above.
I remember at one point, my dad telling me that if “you’re going to cry, you can just go to your room.” In hindsight, and in previous conversations with my parents, I’m sure in that moment I was being a pill of a child and was probably crying to either get attention or get what I wanted. My dad wasn’t condemning me to a lifetime of room-crying. Nonetheless, that particular statement stuck with me and it was always my default reaction to tears. Go to my room or another private place.
Even to this day, if I feel that I am going to have tears, I will find a private place, a restroom, my car, whatever. This is probably a normal thing, hiding while crying, right? But in those moments, I do have that nagging fear that if I let the emotions turn on too far, there may be no stopping it.
I take this moment to pause any “worriers” out there….I am not depressed or have thoughts of never ending sadness. Each time I have ever cried, I assure you, I have stopped. 🙂
The point is, that in that moment, you may just never know. I have talked with people who suffer from migraines and it’s similar. Even though they get migraines and they KNOW that they will eventually go away, there’s that “in-the-moment” fear that it won’t. That this pressure will never subside and that the rest of their life will be pain and misery.
Can this translate to other parts of life and society? I’m sure it can. The key is to make sure you do that gut-check with reality and what is KNOWN. Not what is unknown. Emotions can be fleeting or they can linger. If you find that you cannot see through the fog or the light, please seek help. There are trained professionals who can and will be happy to help out.
I like to preach a “mind over matter” mentality, but I’m also a realist. In the end, you have to decide what is best. You have to decide when you are at your limit and when you need to ask for help. Self help for as long as you can, then call on your village. If you don’t have a village, go find one.
Sometimes you just need a good long cry. Trust me, it won’t last forever. Also, you can find sympathy if you ask for it. We aren’t alone, let’s work together to make sure that no one feels like they won’t stop crying if they start.